My new Baby!!!

See the brindle boxer pup in the middle? She is my new girl. I got her from our neighbors. They had her for her first year but their schedules have gotten hectic and she is being kenneled too much so I took her. They were kind enough to let me! LOL! I loved her from the moment they brought her home, really, I did. She is so sweet! Every morning she would stick her head under my fence into my back yard and say hello with these really expressive eyes. And I could not help but get down on my knees and kiss her muzzle sticking out from under my fence. She was so darned precisous! She is covered in a yeast infection and purely miserable right now. I have her an appt to get her spayed in May and I am treating her yeast with home remedies since her last vet visit did not help with that. I will try the vet again after I tried the home remedies. She has been here a little over a week and she is absolutely happy here. I am proud of that. my other dogs LOVE her and they all play so well together. I still love labs the best, though, cuz they just are so much calmer than boxers and more teddy bear-like in their demeanors. Izzy is just a bundle of energy but she gets enough exercise wrestling my other two behemoths. I bought her a seatbelt for my front seat because the other two have their own spots in the back of the van and in the back seat. They don't like to ride up front but Izzy does. I took her out today to Petsmart and got her a better halter and got her nails trimmed. I have switched her food so I got some more of that, as well.

As for my other passion, lifting, it is getting frustrating. I am mostly keeping my diet. My scale has stopped moving but I am fine with that cuz I cheat too much on diet. I am just happy I am not going back up and that I am able to take some time to stave off the burnout. The lifting feels much harder though I have not lost strength. I am just not progressing in my weights like I would like to. At least I am not losing ground though. I feel as if I surge and die, surge and die, weith my diet and training. I don't have the stamina to keep at it for a long steady run enough to get real results. Just when I see results start rolling in, I quit for a bit (or hold back rather), and take a bit of a break. I can't seem to keep the fire going like other competitors can. I just get tired so easily and I give in to temptation. I am certainly sleeping enough and training enough but the diet is just so not gonna happen for me, at least perfectly, like it needs to. If I could lock down the eating, everyting would fall into place for fat loss. I am not so sure about muscle gain, but I know for fat loss, I could do better.

I have legs tonight. Sort of stoked about that! I plan to go up on my ~gasp!~ leg extensions LOL! I read on t-nation that for folks with these really long skinny ass limbs that leg press and leg extensions have helped many to get more definition where squats have not helped. I have done squats for years as heavy as I could stand and made steady progress and still no great quad developement. But deadlifts, on the other hand, aremaking my ass look killer in jeans! I love me some deadlift booty appreciation in the gym LOL! Well...better get off my lazy blogging ass and eat something for my legs tonight. Gotta fuel to grow!!!

Holy hell batman!!!

i am in a queer mood lately. I am seriously hating competitions of all kinds. I am beginning to hate my daughter's pageants, my own comps lined up, my husbands comps for Highlands and powerlifitng, etc...I am just seeing them as money vacuums. Seriously, I am reading Dave Ramsey's new book The Total Money Makeover (that another Diva and Dude gave to me ironically enough) and realizing how in denial I have been about money. Yes, we are better off than most but we have almost NO savings. And although a layoff ain't gonna happen (Jerome is military) we should still have savings for his retirement and for my next stage of school. I feel like we are walking a fine line between the madness of folly and the harshness of reality. And I am seeing these comps as STUPID!!!!

Anyway, I thought I would come on here and rant with some swearing cuz it always makes me feel better to scream out FUCK!!!! But lately, I just seem to have lost my voice. I just feel so tired and so drained adn so irritated with all the world that all I want to do is go to the gym just to lift and do some cardio and follow my diet with cheat a couple times a week. Seriously, I feel for nothing else. I am not even fired up to race towards a deadline of a comp, just feel like training and training and training for life. Weird. No fire, you know? But no quitting, either. I worry apathy may turn into some kind of destructive aspect of training that rears to bite like an asp. Then what?

My weight is down at a nice 139.5 lbs and holding all the week. I ate pizza yesterday and it jumped to 141. I did this on purpose, don't worry. I dropped last week to 139.5 after I cheated a little extra than my planned cheat for the week. So last night I did it and have been on track all day to see what happens tomorrow. I eat so lean all week. I don't feel hungry though. And my RA is fine now. And I am feeling stronger than ever! I remember when my goal last year at this time was to be able to squat with the 45 lb plates and it seemed so out of reach. I would warm up bare bar, then add a 10 on each side, then 15, then two 10's and if I had enough in me, I could add on the 25's. Woopty-do. Now I start with the 25's and end with the 45 and a 10 and am about to add the 25's after the 45's because I am very easily squatting this weight. I don't toal that shit up cuz big numbers scare me and so I make goals with the plates if that makes any sense. I am also finally benching the 25's. Can you believe that???Again, last year this time, the 10's were my high mark. I remember getting two 10's on each side and saying holy shit! Look what I just did! Now I got me some 25's. Bench is slow fo rme to improve cuz of my small wirsts but I won't stop plugging away. Now guys, huge guys at the gym, will offer to spot me. They see me working at it and struggling and they want to see me improve so I am thankful for that each time someone offers. I can't ask because so far when I have, men assumed I was flirting with them. So I just keep my eyes covert, and lift heavy, and don't chat with anyone. Few people do I talk to but those I do talk to are the serious lifters who are there to work and not to socialize.

I want to post my daughter's pageant pics here but I worry about creepos passing them around, you know? Suffice it to say, she is spectacular and I am thankful I can afford her hobby but I also want it to end. Mean? Probably. I just think the money could be put to better use. I might sell all her stuff and see if she will do theater instead. Naw...who am I kidding??? I LOVE pageants! LOL! I just hate to waste the money.

WHOA!!!!

I have been MIA for quite awhile here in bloggerland but no worries! i have not been MIA with my online friends, the Co-Divas!

Let's see...where to start.....

Oh, yeah! My weight is finally coming off. It's about time! But I had to go off diet a couple weeks and let my weight stabilize at the high point before it got any higher. Weird, huh? Dieting was making me FAT but not dieting was stabilizing my weight. So...on a whim, I bought the Fat to Fit ebook series by Ray Burton. He is pretty cool and his stuff is simple, nothing new, no weird gimmicks, just plain old common sense and loads of support to lift and eat right. He has a cool website and I am one of his long-time subscribers. So about time I bought his books, right? Well, it turns out that John Berardi of Precision Nutrition (I know all of you know him but some newbie might not so I had to toss it out there like I was name dropping) developed a 5-day meal plan just for the newbies beginning to lift and diet using Ray Burton's books. I tried the diet but added in extra calories in form of protein, just addeding in an extra scoop with each shake but kept the food portions the same. So in the first week, I lost THREE freaking pounds!!! I went from 144 lbs to 140.5 lbs. I am rounding down to 3 but soon it will be 4. I am so excited!

And because the diet is so healthy, my period has not been as rough in the PMS dept like it usually is, my nails are growing like I am on prenatal vitamines, and best of all, I get fruit at EVERY meal! I plan to use this diet for 4 weeks (am in week 2) and then I will switch up the macros using the same foods every four weeks according to how far out from comp I am. I am 12 weeks out right now, almost 11 come Monday, I think.

Anyway, not much new in the lifting dept. My arthritis is giving me less trouble. Dare I say, I might even be going into remission again? I sure hope so! But not likely. At least I am lifting full force again. PLUS, my cool as hell hubby bought me some sexy new wrist wraps and they are bright pink. I love them! If he ever gets me a bright pink thong I will wear them together to convince him to buy me some cool new lifting gloves LOL! Won't THAT be fun?

Cowgirls Don't Cry

The cartoon above makes me laugh because my husband is so muscular that he has trouble buckling his own seatbelt. I love watching him twist as far as his body will go and practically diving at the seatbelt, frantically trying to grab it like some liferope or something. Crazy! Well, one thing is certain...I will NEVER have this problem LOL!

When I was little, I used to ride rodeo and horseshows. I did rodeo pageants on my cute little pony and also barrelraced my ponies. I was little! Only four and got my first horse at five. My very first pony was a mean little cuss who would try ot throw me at every chance, rub my legs against barbed fence, try to squirm away from any saddle or bridle wearing. Just a real pain in my ass! I did not like him. but then my daddy bought me a pretty little white pony who was not treated so kind by another littleboy. he was my pride and joy! I would race him out of the barn and pull sharp on the reigns to get him to rear up and my daddy would run out and scream at me and then take away my pony for playing so rough and dangerous. I had no fear! I would get thrown or fall off a horse when barrel racing or breaking in the new ones and would often get the wind knocked out of me. I wanted to cry the first time I can recall it but my daddy said don't cry, just get back on right NOW or you will be too afraid to do it later. And he would pick me up and put me right back in the saddle and say get back to work. And I would. I know this advice has served me well all the days of my life.

Right now my RA is trying to claim my life in every way. But I am refusing to let it! I am back in the saddle every day, not crying about it and limping around like everyone should pity poor little me. I have a new lifting program that will hopefully allow me to keep my strength but use less reps so less damage on my joints. I also have recommitted to my diet. Not that I was far from it ever but you know how it goes, a little slap from life and you start to slip on the diet. I got to keep that shit under control! Otherwise, cookies day and night for me LOL!

Last night, had a fight with hubby (still fighting) and got so mad at him, I drove to DQ for one of those Pecan Mudslides. I got one but I only ate very little of it. I decided to just do the right thing at that moment and just get that one moment right. I have no idea what will happen next and can not change what I already have done in the past but I can control RIGHT NOW. So I left the ice cream to melt in the car and went to a late night show and watched Coraline. It was good to get away from it all and not think about treats or problems. The movie was really good, too!

Tonight I will be doing my first workout on my new program. I will let y'all know how the first week goes with my RA. I have 3 workouts per week now and with a day's rest between them. I do this for 4 weeks then I have another plan for the following 4 weeks. Let's see where I am at in 8 weeks. Hopefully, further than where I have been while I was in remission. That would be so cool!!!!

RA

Sorry, no cool pics LOL!

Just dropping a note to let everyone know I havenot fallen off the bandwagon and quit blogging because of it. I am still doing regular workouts and eating about 80-90% on plan. I am hanging steady on the scale. Not too worried about it, though. Right now I have a bigger problem!

I have rheumatoid arthritis and have had it since I was a walking, talking toddler. Docs missed it until I was age 9. Went into remission in my teens, though, so bad thing really. But have always had to treat with aspirin therapy and some minor physical therapy in order to be able to lift weights like most normal people do. I spend almost a half hour to an hr getting ready to lift with all the weird stretching and warm ups I have to do in order not to damage my joints further. I have to be very very careful as well with my fat intake and what kind I am eating. Missing one day of CLA or EFA's will leave me locked up in certain joints and in a lot of pain.

So here I am, out of remission, back into a full on flare up. I am really hurting and am trying to keep up with my prior level of strength and intensity. I am having to change from free weights to machines and stability balls and bosu balls and body weight exercises. I also have to push through the pain in some things and in others know when enough is enough and to BACK OFF or face permanent destruction in my joints or ligaments/tendons. Right now I am so inflamed that my eyeballs, inner and outer ears, spleen, and the nerves under my middle toes are also inflamed and feeling a lot of piercing hot pains almost constantly. I am on naproxin right now waiting fo rmy doc appt so I can go back on a regualr med to get this under control.

I am afraid to tell the doc I lift because they nix that for RA patients, other than light lifting. They want me to stick with PT and the warm water pools and water aerobics. Can't see that stuff getting me back to the stage, can you? I am going to ask about steroids and see if it would really be counterproductive to my ligaments/tendons/joints to use them. I have to be careful that my muscle strength does not outstrip my ligament/tendon strength and damage my joints even further. What I really need is a rheumatologist who is knowledgeable about weight training. That would be a Godsend!

Oops!!!

This pic is ZERO makeup, I swear! Her lips are red from being chapped LOL! And she was super cold and wanted to go home, not do pics so she is glaring at me. But still, look at how green her eyes are! And this hair! So pretty...

I just posted but I want to post a few pics of my daughter so people can see how beautiful God made her. She is WONDERFUL in every way and I love her to pieces. I am so blessed ot have a daughter like her! Beauty, brains, a kind heart, she is the total package. An angel!!! I will look over her pageant pics but I am hesitant to put them on here because with the pageant Glitz makeup, you can't recognize her and I worry about child stalkers who look for pageant girls. These pics are of my daughter WITHOUT the pageant glitz and glitter. A normal girl. BTW....that first pic is from when she did her robotics competition. She wants to go into engineering in college.

If there are any Tracker Divas who want to see her pageant pics, including headshots, I will send them to you via personal email. Just email me your addy through here or tracker and I will set you up through Kodak Gallery to view her stuff in one folder.

Okay...I am outta here! Gotta go eat some dead animal.

Just Some Brew-Ha-Ha Today....

No cool or gross picture or anything to brighten the post, just gonna be my rambling thoughts today. I have had a lot of stuff floating in my head for awhile and nothing has seemed to work itself out so I thought, why not post it here and get it OUT of my head? Maybe throwing it out to the Universe will help untangle some of this knotted mess that floats between my ears, yes?


Mess #1. My weight: It isn't changing, up ro down, nothing. I am frustrated. I was four weeks into a hard core clean diet and my weight was climbing and it wasn't muscle, it was FAT!!!! So I started cheating out fo frustration and my weight began to fall again. So now I diet half-ass and my weight is stablized at where I started 6 weeks ago. Hmmm.....But my lifts are going up and so as long as I eat, my strength grows. That CAN"T be a bad thing, right? Maybe since I am classic ectomorph, I need more time for bulking than other women do. I am tall and on the skinny side (except for my butt which is HUGE!!!) and my bones are bird thin. I spent a lifetime on next to no nutrition and so my body just hordes fat, be it from clean calories or dirty calories. I think I might be one of those rare people (all of them ecto's) who get to be scrawny strong little shits and no muscle to show for it. And I am Irish genetics and so we end up looking wirey anyways. So there I am with that. Frustrated at working my ass off and seeing no changes except for some good strength. Don't get me wrong, I love the strength and the stares I get in the gym for it but I started lifting so I could gain muscle mass and change my physique into something wondrous. Ain't happening and I am pissed.

Mess #2. Squats: I now hate them. Well, I mean, I still love doing the exercise cuz there is something about doing them that is exhilerating but since I, again, am not seeing muscle growth from it, I hate them. It seems to be a perfectly pointless exercise then, huh? Considering that I often have some nerve that is getting pinched somewhere and so my legs go numb while squatting. I can usually prevent numbness by keeping a narrow stance so it isn't always a problem but sometimes it still occurs. Not to mention it gives me a pain in the neck, literally. And before anyone posts saying, you are not doing them correctly, yes I am. How do I know? because several men, including my powerlifter husband, have coached me on them. And I competed in one rinky-dinky powerlifting meet and tehy said I had excellent squat form and depth for being a scrawny woman. So I am dropping my low-rep, high weight squats for low-weight, high(er) rep squats and putting my max effort into the leg sled and deadlifts. I have been using the recumbent bike set to the "Hills" program with some intensity level cranked up and that really burns my quads. I am seeing some minor definition come into my quads this last week from doing the bike so I am going to continue it.

Mess #3. My daughter and her pageants: She is wonderful at modeling, is exceptionally pretty, is beautifully photogenic, and is highly fashionable at her pageants. Yet she isn't taking home the crowns she deserves. And she has been crying lately after the pageants. I can't bear to see her so sad over something so frivolous as pageants! So I am going to talk to her indepth today and see if she would like to try something else, like competitive cheer, or science camp, or pottery, anything other than pageants. I hate to sound like a doting and blind mother, especially one that is vindictive, but here in this local area, my daughter is getting the shaft in these pageants in favor of some local girls who are in tight with the pageant directors. Last weekend, baby girl out-modeled another girl on stage and had way more stage presence, and the judges scored her the same as this other girl in modeling and personality. The girl she was ranked equal to stumbled on stage quite a bit, had to have their pageant coach tell her where to go, and did not smile (she actually growled at her mom over the judges heads!), and she made zero eye contact with the judges which is a BIG pageant no-no. We were shocked they ranked her equal to my daughter. So were other parents. Then yesterday, we got a repeat performance from this same girl and my daughter won most fashionable in her group, but they gave the crown to this other girl and placed my daughter as 2nd alternate behind another girl who modeled as well as my daughter but did not have a very nice pageant outfit. The judges awarded my girl "Most Fashionable" in her group and wrote rave reviews in the judges cards and criticized the other two girls (there was one other contestant who was new and was no contender because she is still learning the ropes and she was placed last) and yet they gave the crown to the girl who was the worst (besdies teh new girl) and gave 1st alternate to the other girl. I have had two other parents tell me she will never get a crown here because she is not in tight with the pageant directors like these girls are. what really pisses me off is that I pay the same money for the same modeling coach (who is one of the director's daughters) and when it is baby girl's turn on stage, she does not get any coaching from her modeling coach and no acknowledgment that she is even at the pageant, no Hi! or hugs or nothing. But the other girls get loads of help while they are on stage (truthfully they need it and my girl doesn't but still....some encouragement would be nice) and she sits with them and helps them with hair and makeup and is just very friendly overall to these other girls (who are winning crowns when they don't have the skills to be winning them) and leaves my daughter feeling left out. So there is my dilemma. I have to do what is best for her even if she doesn't want it. She wants to move up to national pageants and I am just nervous that we will encounter the same thing at a National pageant as we do at the local level only it will be more expensive! Grrr.....I want my daughter to win something to make her feel she is being rewarded for her hard work. even in school, they told her her science project was "too good" and thought she had parental help (she did NOT!). So see, my heart is wrapped up lately in how my littel girl is being treated by others and it hurts very much to see her get discounted the way that she is when she very much deserves to win SOMETHING.

Mess #4. My Figure Comp in May: How in God's name is this gonna happen when I can't drop weight??? It is very frustrating because I am on the edge of some very major changes and have been for awhile and yet NOTHING changes. I have some people at my gym who just can't stop commenting on my muscles but I swear I have NONE! I see a little while I am lifting but it doesn't last. it isn't like I could pump up for a show and stay pumped long enough to place anything other than last to middle if I was lucky. I want to win this time! I am working so damned hard! I deserve to see my body change into what I have always dreamed of. I won't step on stage until I have that body I dream of:( I am gonna be picky this time because I feel I deserve it this time. last time, I just went on stage as the "toned" girl who was more skinny than anything. And I got away with that in the Novice division but there is no more Novice chace for me. I have to bring it or stay home this go round. With my periods being so frequent, and my mass not coming on although I am eating what I should to grow, I am considering asking my doctor for steroids. I know...GASP!!!....stop right there, Danielle. But I have grown desperate! I have been lifting for about 3 years now with no breaks and no derailment, all the while focusing on growing mass and gaining strength. And I wonder with me having RA (rheumatoid arthritis) if steroids would help my joint pain, too. It might be that it is what I am missing. I don't think the docs were correct in saying my hormones were screwed up. I might ask to see another doc and just really push to see an edocrinologist and then ask for steroids to set me up. Who knows? But something has got to change and I know I am not well.

Well, it has been good spilling the crap out of my head. I apologize for all the typos. I SWEAR I went to college, LOL!